he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
