Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
