i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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