I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
