He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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