i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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