Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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