Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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