Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
