wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
