I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
