Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
