Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
