just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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