drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
