If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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