i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i dont even know how to be here
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
