I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
