I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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