i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Found the puke drawer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
