I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
