i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
