Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
