Someone shit on the floor
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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