I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize