community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
