WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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