She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
