I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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