he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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