dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
