so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
