I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
