it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
