I heard we made out
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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