So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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