Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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