She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
