he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
