So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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