One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
