i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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