you traded sex for a burrito?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
