Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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