she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
please come you make the beer taste better
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
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