No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
barbara walters just said penis...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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