and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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