Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
