I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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