I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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