So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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