i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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