ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
