i think i have two assholes
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
