please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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