Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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