just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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