is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
