Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
