I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
