dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
