I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
