wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
