guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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