did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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