We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
