I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
