my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
